Top 5 Things That Nurtured my Confidence as a Kid with Alopecia
After over a decade of reflection and processing my own Alopecia journey, coupled with becoming a body image specialist, I believe I can now sum up the main things that supported my confidence as a bald woman. I hope it can give you insight for you or your child’s journey!
1. I had autonomy and agency throughout my entire hair loss journey
I began to lose my hair around age 3 and have been completely bald since the age of 6. While the natural instincts of most parents would be to grasp for control in anyway possible (as it is very traumatic to watch this happen to your child), somehow I NEVER sensed any anxiety or grasp for control from my parents. Not only that, but I was always given the last say with all decisions relating to my hair loss. Essentially, all the options were on the table and I decided what felt best for my body. Which now being a body image therapist and understanding the importance of autonomy and agency for building body resilience, I completely attribute this parenting approach to one of the main pillars that built my confidence.
My parents did initially try the available treatments, which was a topic steroid and steroid injections at the time. However, these treatments were not working and I did not enjoy them, so we stopped! It was never made to be a big deal and I never felt like I had to grow my hair back. On top of this, it was completely my decision whether I wanted to wear hats, wigs or other head coverings. These options were always presented to me neutrally and it gave me room to make the decision that felt right for my body without feeling any shame. Now as an adult, I continue to feel confident in the decisions I make for my body because I was given the practice to prioritize what felt right for me as a kid, rather than listening to what someone else (or society) felt would be right for me.
Whether you have a young kid with an Alopecia or an adult child with Alopecia, I believe all of this still applies. Their autonomy is SO important. If the loved one in your life feels their body autonomy is not being respected or they sense you do not believe they made the “right” choice to navigate your journey, it can shake the foundation of their confidence.
2. My parents scaffolded behind the scenes (and I continue to scaffold for myself today)
There were some things happening behind the scenes that I did not know about until I was an adult, but they made a huge difference! Again, now as a therapist, these are the types of things I recommend to parents (still not sure how many parents knew intuitively to do this!)
One of the things my mom did throughout elementary school was sent a letter to teachers, administrators and to every parent of my classmates. The letter described Alopecia, what it is, how to explain it to their own kids and asked parents to teach their children not to point or stare at me. I 100% believe this decreased the amount of teasing I experienced. Of course, it is not a bullet proof solution, but the fact that most people at my school were informed created a more supportive environment.
If you are an adult with Alopecia, this may also include scaffolding for yourself (such as sending a text to friends before a gathering stating that you do not want to discuss your hair loss or insert any other boundary you may have). For those with Alopecia kids, this may mean sending text messages to family members before a gathering to make sure they are not commenting on your child’s hair loss in front of them.
Alison’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
3. My hair loss was never portrayed or discussed as a problem
I alluded to this point when discussing agency and autonomy. The reason I was able to truly feel I had body autonomy and agency was because hair loss was NEVER discussed as a problem. It was due to this that I could make decisions regarding treatments, wigs, etc. without any fear! My parents always discussed hair loss neutrally and I never felt like there was something “wrong” with me. This may be the most important factor to my confidence.
Many people with hair loss experience people portraying it as a problem. They experience people insinuating it is something they could have “prevented” or that they should have made a different decision regarding wigs, treatment, etc. This creates so many self-esteem wounds and negative core beliefs. I recognize that the foundation of my confidence had an advantage due to the fact that the most important people in my life never made me feel any different for my hair loss.
For many parents or loved one’s, this often means they need to be extremely aware of their own anxiety about their kid’s hair loss. If they are sensing your anxiety or fear, they may easily internalize that as their hair loss being a problem.
4. Engaging in activities that gave me appreciation for my body beyond appearance
Adding to the point above, many people feel their body is a “problem” when experiencing something like Alopecia. As early as I can remember, I engaged in many different activities and sports. I quickly became obsessed with gymnastics and trained intense hours from a young age.
While gymnastics also gave me a distraction to not process my experience of hair loss (although, what young child can fully process that anyway), it also gave me a lot of pride in what my body was capable of. I think people can find this in avenues beyond sports (art, music, etc), but this just happened to be where I was able to expand my body confidence.
Today, this is still something that supports my confidence! Whether it is taking an ariel circus class, making crafts or anything in between, it reminds me that my hair loss is the least interesting thing about me.
5. I had space for self-expression
Again, similar to the first point about autonomy and agency (this is why I mention it in SO many of my other posts too!), I had the freedom of self-expression beyond hair loss related things. My parents always let me choose my outfits, regardless of how silly they may have looked haha as long as I was happy with what I put together, my parents let me go for it! I always had pretty strong opinions about these types of things and my parents never squashed it.
Being able to make decisions for yourself without being concerned about the opinions of others is a core component of confidence, especially for Alopecia. If you squash your kid’s self expression and body autonomy, they will not get the opportunity to trust that they can make the decisions that feel best for their body. This might mean letting the wear the hats (even if you wish they wouldn’t) or letting them go out bald (even if you’re worried people will stare at them)
